….I mean, seriously, do you really need a reason?
Bare with me folks, just a bit of venting today…..
So the last few weeks WIDAGO has gone cold and dark to the interstices of the internet. About a month ago we had one of those days. Those sad bad news days. Some of you good people may not know that my mom is been kicking’ tail and taking names in her battle against ovarian cancer for past three and half years. Cancer sucks. However, if you are going to put your big girl panties on and fight it, fight it well. Fight it like Sheesh. As is the nature this disease, there many ups and downs on this physical and emotional roller coaster. So we got a call from my sister, and Sheesh had taken a turn for the worse. Treatments not working anymore, side effects causing more harm than good. Hospice coming in. Get your ass home. It’s the call I had been dreading since we cast off lines 18 months ago. I hung up the phone (OK not really a hang up, because there is nothing to hang these days, just a button to push), took a deep breath, mind spinning, and went in search of Ahab to discuss our options and game plan. He had just ended another phone call. I filled him in on the details about Mom, and we sat there for a moment. “Well, this is just a bad news day,” he sighed.
“Why? What??” I asked with furrowed brow in desperate need of botox.
“Pawpaw Puppy, or Grandaddy Pawpaw?!?!?” Bile, horror, knife in my chest.
“Puppy. He got hit by car. Died within minutes.” I freakin lost it. Sitting at the helm, sobbing uncontrollably – this is just too sad. Seriously, one of the best black labs ever. And I know I am totally biased, but ask anybody who knew him – just an awesome dog with the perfect balance of strength, beauty, kindness, leadership, and naughtiness. Lover boy, shoe thief, and unfortunately, chaser of cars.
As I pulled myself together, I started to feel like a real jerk. Here I was just getting off a call with my sister about my sweet mom, who at the time appeared to be circling the drain, and I approached it with steeled emotions: focus on logistics, organize an action plan. After hearing about poor Pawpaw, I’m a blubbering idiot, raw emotions, grated with grief. I’m an a-hole. Where is the raw release for Mom?
In sharing my feelings of a-hole-ness to a fellow sailing gal on a sister Leopard, she reassured me. “Stef, am I a terrible person because I got more upset losing my dog than hearing about my mom?”
“Ali – no way. The poor dog – it was so sudden, totally unexpected, out of nowhere. With your Mom, you’ve been emotionally preparing for this chapter. It’s OK. Go home. Spend time with your family.”
I’m not sure which is harder: An out of the blue tragedy, or a prolonged battle. I guess it doesn’t really matter, as both situations provide food for thought, and really teach the same lessons. Live life to fullest every chance you get. Don’t wait to do something, say something, be someone. Practice kindness and gratitude always. In a moment, without warning, you might not get that chance, or take that risk to do or be something extraordinary.
On one of my last days stateside visiting my folks & siblings, Sheesh and I nailed it at Milagro’s for Mexican lunch, followed by a little retail therapy to find a rocking hot pink hat for my sister’s wedding, and a couch snuggling afternoon movie (100-Step Journey – awesome BTW). Perfect day. I want to live every day like that. Present, in the moment, grateful for the big and little things.
Big things like my family, in all their cuckoo craziness (bless their hearts and present company included). Little things like Enchilada Verdes, and of course, donuts. Make mine a glazed stick from Duncan Donuts that I eat so fast, it gives me the hiccups.