Hair clippers are lot trickier to use than they would first appear. For the past couple years, I have made an effort soak up knowledge from the various folks who cut the boys’ hair. Obviously there is wide variety of personal style and method depending on your locale. For example, you do not get the samsies from Jennifer (@ “Blush” in the ‘ham) as you do from Tony (@ Wilton Manors Aveda in FLL) or Michelino (@ ORC Spa).

Obviously I have no desire to make the guys look like Mo (or any of the Stooge Brothers for that matter) – but this has nothing to do with desire. The stylists all make it look so easy – and that is because they cut hair for nine hours a day, six days. I, on the other hand, have slightly less experience – say maybe thirty minutes every 60-90 days. Needless to say, my lack of experience does not match my enthusiasm. I really thought this as going to be a piece of cake.

Except this cake has hair in it.

David, bless his heart, was my first victim, customer. He had gotten quite shaggy these past few weeks and insisted on a shorter ‘doo, as his feathered bangs fringed beyond those dark and lovely lashes. Well, I figured I would start by using the clippers to get bulk of the work done, and finish up with scissors and fancy texturizing shears. Mind you – I’ve spent hours watching Michelino, Troy, Jennifer, Lorel, Julie, and Lourdes doing this – how hard could it be? So I set the clipper setting to a conservative “7” (No Donald, we are not going “2” on the sides, and “4” on top) thinking it would create longer layers – Ummmm – I don’t think it worked so well. I should have realized something was wrong when David kept saying things like “Ouch” or “this hurts”. Actually, I’m pretty sure I did it wrong since I’m almost positive that a “7” shouldn’t create random bald spots, closely cropped to the skin. Luckily, I only weed wacked clipped the back and sides – the top was still long enough to hand cut and camouflage my inexperience. And by “hand cut”, I really mean it. Those friggin’ scissors are sharp. I think I need to invest in a chainmail glove to keep all my digits attached.

David’s haircut turned out pretty well, all things considered. Gordon was next in line – and I had evolved enough in fifteen minutes to retire the clippers. The real winners of the day were William and Guyon who for some strange reason decided against joining in on the spa activities. Next time – I’m just cutting the bangs outta their eyes – going for the full mullet look. It’s either that or nothing and going for the pirate/bandana look.

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